I don’t like doing things in the *normal* way, which I why I took up the offer when one of my colleagues told me I should write about why people shouldn’t buy Twitter followers with us. So, let’s shake things up a little and take a look at why you shouldn’t do this (even though there are a lot of reasons you should).

1. You’re A Celebrity

We can’t all be Britney Spears (Though after her many falls from grace, I doubt there are many people who would want to be her at the moment anyway) and thus, have an instantly-massive following on Twitter.

Let’s face it, there are millions of teenage suburban girls who like minute-by-minute updates as to when their favourite celebrities are clipping their fingernails, though the fact is that they don’t want the same updates from you. So unless you’re a massive celebrity like of the final ten Idol contestants(*choke*), a reality TV star or one of Tom Cruise’s supposedly-famous offspring, then you may need to take the plunge and invest in some Twitter followers.

Either that, or you can try and get famous in the same way the kids from Jersey Shore did and simply act like orange morons on TV for a few weeks and wait for the cash to roll in.

2. You Have No Idea What ‘A Twitter’ Is

You can almost hear it, can’t you? The cries of an elderly family-member something like; “Back in my day we didn’t need all this newfangled mumbo-jumbo. A nice comfy chair in front of the ol’ wireless was all the technology we needed!”

Look, Gran: times change. If things always stayed the same then we’d still all have slaves, would burn people who practiced homeopathic medicine as witches and  we’d still be thinking that the sun revolved around the Earth. Would you prefer that? Or would you prefer trying to plug your kidney dialysis machine into a tree and finding out that in order to produce electricity, technology needs to advance.

Ahem…anyway, if you don’t know what Twitter is or have no intention of using it, then maybe you won’t need to buy followers.

3. You’re Just Using Twitter To Connect With Friends

If you don’t have what most people would call a real life and are a pasty-skinned, 37-year-old virgin who still lives in their parent’s basement and plays World Of Warcraft almost every waking minute, then this probably won’t be for you my friend.

Twitter was envisioned as a means simply to keep up to date with friends (or as a cash-cow eventually to be sold to Google…whichever way you want to look at it) and if that’s all that you use it for, you won’t need to take the plunge and invest in any paid-follower services like uSocial’s. That is, unless you’re a totally ego-driven sociopath who needs the whole world to know every time you’ve plucked a particularly-juicy nasal hair. In that case, then go ahead.

As we all know, Twitter is being heavily used by businesses these days to promote their services. But if you don’t fit into that category, then you should be happy tweeting to the nine followers you have which are mostly from the cat appreciation club you’re a member of.

4. You Are Promoting An Account Relating To Internet Marketing

Haven’t people figured this one out yet? It seems to me that every day about seventy-five thousand Twitter accounts are set up every day with the sole purpose of promoting IM products, mostly on Clickbank.

Pardon my colourful language, but for fuck’s sake, trying to make a buck selling products in probably the most saturated niche on the planet — especially as the first product you’re promoting — is utterly stupid in my own humble opinion. There are literally millions of people trying to do the same thing and if you wanna fight over the scraps with them like a pack of rabid dogs with a sheep carcass, then go ahead. But don’t mind me when I say you’re are likely going to fail miserably.

If it’s your intention to buy targeted Twitter followers with the intention of promoting something to them then that’s fine, just do some research and choose a niche that not many people are trying to fill at the time. It may take you a few days to find even one niche worth filling, however that time is well worth spent on that then doing something which won’t pay you at all.

So if you’re still thinking about promoting IM products on Twitter after what I’ve said here, please lean closer towards the screen so I can slap you.

5. You’re Intent On Spamming Twitter

If you’ve spent any kind of time on Twitter, you’ll know that the site is literally filled with spam. While I have to admit that the site has come forward in leaps and bounds when it comes to combating spam since it started, the simple fact is that they won’t ever be able to stop it in its entirety.

And just like my point above, spamming Twitter in the attempt to make money is about as silly as promoting IM products and unless you have some serious scripting, hardware and software skills to really spam the hell out of Twitter on an immense scale — as well as a large and abundant bankroll of cash behind you — you won’t ever succeed at doing it properly and profiting. If your intention is to buy followers and then simply spam the hell out of them with some crappy product, you’re better off saving your money.

Better still, take the cash and go and buy a bucket of KFC original recipe. You’ll feel just as dirty after you eat it all, but at least you’ve done something to  nourish yourself. Spamming won’t achieve the same result.

6. You Don’t Answer Your Follower’s Messages

If you get an @reply from someone on Twitter, you should reply to them. If you think that Twitter Marketing is going to work if you’re going to shun those who have taken the time to follow and message you, then you’ll surely be a bigger failure than when Australia’s Big Brother tried to revive ratings by putting Jackie-O and Kyle Sandilands on as hosts.

Social media is just that: social. People aren’t going to buy anything you’re trying to sell if you do nothing but promote, promote, promote and ignore genuine questions, inquiries and comments from your followers. That is, unless you’re a celebrity and ignore all your fans by default.

If you’re not going to be social, then there is no point spending your hard-earned and buy followers on Twitter.

7. You’re A Silly-Head.

If you don’t fit into any of the previous categories and are actually a business, organisation, or some other operation who is looking to capitalise on the Twitter-boom and use this somewhat-pointless site for marketing and you don’t buy Twitter followers, then you sir (or madam) are a bit of a fool.

The fact is there is no faster way of getting quality and targeted followers to your account than by purchasing them. If you truly want to profit fast and get ahead of your competition by sending tweet after tweet to those who have actually opted-in to following you, you should take out your credit card and and fork out a few wing-wangs on followers. Otherwise, you may be waiting for months, or even years, to get a large number of followers naturally.

Simple, right?